Wishes, not wins
Circulating on Twitter, a simple question. If you were running for President of Cars, what would be your platform?


1. Require all pedestrians to be armed and trained to shoot. Pedestrians have ABSOLUTE right of way, and any driver who is seen or perceived as a threat to pedestrians may be shot for a bounty, not a penalty.

2. Buses and streetcars also have ABSOLUTE right of way. Any private auto that hits or interferes with a bus or streetcar or train is automatically responsible for all damages and injuries to the passengers and/or freight on the train or bus.

3. Absolute speed limit of 20 MPH for private cars everywhere, enforced by the armed pedestrians. If we think you're going too fast, you're dead.

4. Electric cars must use nickel-iron batteries. No lithium.

5. No horsepower ratings. Instead, always use torque curves.

6. Suspensions must be solid axles front and rear, with kingpins instead of balljoints.

7. No electronics beyond SCR ignition and fuel injection. No computer-controlled steering or brakes or transmissions, no entertainment devices.

8. "Libertarian" drivers who feel the uncontrollable need to drive over 20, or use explosive lithium batteries or supercool "autonomous" shit, may do so within walled Thunderdome compounds. Entry to Thunderdomes is free, but exiting costs $10 million for each MPH above 20 you did while inside the Thunderdome. You must anticipate your criminal intent and bring in the appropriate amount in GOLD. Since "libertarian" rules apply within the Thunderdome, theft and crime will be rampant and uncontrolled inside the walls, so all entrants will end up dead by their own "rules", thus applying perfect Emersonian justice.

Obviously this platform has no chance of winning, but it's a good set of wishes.

Labels: EXTREME SUPREME ABSOLUTE DEFINITIVE FINAL Emersonian justice

  ¶ 2:59 AM