Core wars, Bohr wars
Professor Polistra has solved a mystery.
She has been puzzled by the recent refusal to name the enemy or acknowledge the existence of war, and the apparent decision to stifle all discussion of possible enemy action or involvement in events like the Mpls bridge collapse.
She has been annoyed for a long time by the fake "measurement" of inflation used by official economists to set things like interest rates and Social Security income. "Core inflation" is "measured" by removing all the items that inflate, so you're left with the items that don't change.
A new puzzle provided the key to all of this. Last week, Bush invited several loyal brand-R talkers to a confidential conclave, where notes and recordings were prohibited. Only feeeeeeliiiings could be conveyed to the proletariat. Glenn Beck was one of the invited insiders, and he said that Bush is sharp, incisive and harsh when in an unrecorded situation
like this, but whenever he's being recorded by cameras he turns into the familiar bumbling idiot who can't speak English.
This bizarre scenario finally struck a note and connected all three mysteries.
Answer: Bush is running a Quantum Government.
All three mysteries resemble the familiar Heisenberg principle* by which an atomic particle exists only while it's being measured. By refusing to measure inflation, we can make it disappear. By refusing to name the enemy, we can make war disappear. By refusing to record Bush, we can magically transform him from a mental defective into a Churchillian leader who is never verified.
See how easy it is?
Of course all of this is bullshit. The mysteries and contradictions of quantum physics fall away if you abandon the notion of particles and treat everything as energy carried in wave-like patterns. Waves exist whether you're looking or not. Inflation exists no matter how you measure it. And we are really under constant attack by Mohammed-fueled Arabs and their allies, whether we name them or not. In each case, we will do a better job of answering reality and solving the problems if we get rid of the Quantum idea, no matter how exciting and avant-garde it may seem, and simply work with the dull old physical reality.
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*Tech note: Prof Polistra knows that Heisenberg's theorem is really far more specific and narrow, but the common meaning of the Uncertainty Principle is a useful metaphor.