New SES
Polistra always looks for Self-Explanatory Sentences. Pickings have been exceedingly slim lately, until this popped up.

The most perfect Self-Explanatory Sentence ever!

Tara Monroe, 20, a junior studying industrial engineering, said her license was suspended and her father took her car away after she refused a Breathalyzer test during a DWI stop following a Waka Flocka Flame concert.

An entire life in 36 words.

"Riding a bike around campus sucks. Like really sucks." Monroe's solution came in the form of a $60 electric Barbie Jeep she found for sale on Craigslist.

Note that walking was not among the Options On The Table. Walking is so like sucky that it's like not even like thinkable.

"Basically, it was the best decision I've made in college, yet."

In a strict sense she's exactly right. Not the best decision in terms of living a better life; she obviously zoomed past the offramp for that goal a long time ago. No chance of backing up and taking it. But in terms of gains available from the college experience she's got it. Publicity, connections, fame, and (dead serious now) CREATING A SOLUTION TO A PROBLEM instead of creating new forms of tyranny. Even in terms of her alleged major of industrial engineering, a Barbie Jeep is much more time-efficient than biking or walking.

She's only missed one important thing. A real engineer would have souped up the Jeep to do 0-60 in 3.9 seconds while avoiding obstacles and automatically seeking the nearest bar.

= = = = =

Separate thought after noticing news item about meth head riding a bike and swinging a hammer at people. Drunks and methies ride bikes for the same reason as Tara: suspended license. Maybe Tara is right in seeing bikes as sucky. Solution to both problems: Require methies and drunks to drive hot pink Barbie Jeeps instead of bicycles. Require the BJ to emit music using ice cream truck technology. Perhaps a medley of peppy numbers like "Feeeeeeeeliiiiingggs" and "Over the Rainbow." You can't do nearly as much damage from that position, and everyone will know what you are. Bikes will still suffer from the riders at the other end of the spectrum, the arrogant million-dollar Spandex assholes, but maybe a more normal range of users can emerge with the drunks gone.
  ¶ 5:00 AM