Darwin bites and metabites
Berezow at RCS has fun with a pot cookie:

For those of you unfamiliar with the Darwin Award, it is given to the "individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives," usually by "eliminat[ing] themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival." It is in that spirit that I shall discuss the case of a 19-year-old resident of Colorado who met his untimely demise after consuming a pot-infused cookie.

Dickhead ate one entire pot cookie, disobeying the (wildly counterintuitive!) written instructions that each cookie should be divided into 6 portions. Thought he could fly, found out otherwise.

Just like 'Reefer Madness', except 'Reefer Madness' was wrong at the time when it was made. You can't get crazy by smoking the stuff because it hits your brain immediately and you know when you're reaching your limit. A newly made 'Reefer Madness' would be right. When you eat infused cookies or candy, the effect is delayed and you can go too far.

Making laws will be difficult because legislators are already crazy without any pot. Their calvariums are jammed to overflowing with EPA/CDC propaganda that says SMOKE BAD! SMOKE BAD! SMOKE BAD! Thus they will find it impossible to make a law that favors smoke over liquid in any context.

Incidentally, Berezow pulled a sort of meta-Darwin on the authorial level. His assumed superior knowledge came back to bite him. Those who are truly familiar with the Darwin award will know that the Darwin Award website has been dormant for a couple of years, so Darwin Awards aren't being awarded.

Makes sense, of course. In a place that has descended into infinite x infinite x infinite hyperhyperhyperinsanity, the tiniest hint of sanity must be TORTURED AND BURNED. So an award that attempts to laugh at insanity MUST go dormant.

= = = = =

Seriously, I'd think a lawsuit on the instructions would succeed. You can't expect anyone, pothead or not, to eat only 1/6 of a cookie. What's the point of having a unit like a cookie if you're supposed to eat only part of it? For non-potheads a reasonable and expectable dose is 3 or 4 full cookies. For potheads multiply by 10.

Labels: Metrology

  ¶ 2:43 AM