Sunday, September 14, 2014
For once the Elephant in the Room is valid
"Elephant in the room" is a tired cliche that needs to be tossed. But before we toss it, let's take note of the FIRST TIME IT'S TRULY APPLICABLE.
Headline: Bill would sanction countries involved in ivory trade.
Good! Finally going to take some steps against China, since China is THE ONLY COUNTRY that buys elephant tusks. China has an oversupply of men thanks to the one-child policy, which caused millions of parents to abort girl babies. When men are oversupplied, they don't have enough places to insert their dicks, and they feel inadequate. When Chinese men feel inadequate, they buy all sorts of traditional phallic "medicines" to stiffen their dicks. This accounts for nearly all of today's vanishing species.
So. How are we going to symbolically wither China's dicks?
From the text of the bill itself...
If consultations with a government under subsection (a) are not satisfactorily concluded within 90 days or if a government refuses to enter into consultations, the President shall direct the Secretary to prohibit the importation into the United States of products of wildlife, fish, and plants from that country until the earliest ... etc.Cute. We'll retaliate by cutting off imports of wildlife, fish and plants. How much wildlife, fish and plants do we get from China? We don't get meaningful amounts of wildlife from anywhere. We get small amounts of tilapia, scallops and oysters from China. We get somewhere around $20 million of plants (listed as "nursery stock, cut bulbs, etc.") from China. Major sanctions! Cut our imports of tilapia, scallops, oysters and nursery stock! Ouch! That will soften those boys in a hurry! Look Jane! See Dick wilt. Wilt, wilt, wilt. Better idea: Make use of our finest intellectual resources. Use CGI to reprocess all TV, movies and web productions that will end up in China. Substitute Janet Yellen for all female stars.
Labels: Danbo
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