Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Damn the endangered, full speed ahead
Bloomberg reports the latest Cool Thing among New Yorkers: A chain of upscale fruit juice stores has developed a brand new fruit drink, super-rare and super-cool and not available anywhere else! The company has bought the entire crop of fruit from a unique cactus that grows only on one side of one volcano in Nicaragua.
Oooh! Unique! Cool! Only grows in one small place! Supercool! And the one small place is in Holy Saintly Progressive Nee-Kah-Dah-Wah, home of LIVING SAINT Comrade Daniel Ortega[pbuh]! Ooooh! Supersupercool! Oh! I can't take it... I can't ... I can't... Ah Ah Ah Ahhh. Yesssssssss. Yesssssssss. Oooooh Golllllllldmannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
But wait! Unique cactus. One small place. The entire crop of fruit from this unique plant that only grows in one place. Doesn't that sound like....? Yup, it's a Holy Saintly Angelic ENDANGERED SPECIES, and you've just consumed all of its seeds.
Oh well. Doesn't matter. We're rich. We're cool. We're New Yorkers. We're Progressive. We're Enlightened. We're Gay. Everything we do is perfect by definition, because we write the dictionaries.
¶ 5:03 AM 
