Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Unprecedented!
It's unprecedented! It's a historical first! It's a dangerous trend!
In measuring Number of Eyes Closed While Sleeping, I've discovered a new and lethal development! Last night (August 21) I closed TWO eyes while sleeping! This is a historical first! This has never happened before while records have been kept.
Look at the graph! (Excel here)
Numbers don't lie! Just follow the grim linear extrapolation to see the grim future! Only ten days from now I'll be closing at least 20 eyes when I sleep! Where am I going to get all those eyes? How many Chinese slaves will have to give their lives to supply my ever-growing ocular occultation needs? Who knows?
The theoretical reason for this lethal phenomenon obviously requires much more research, but one initial hypothesis could be that I didn't bother to keep records of how many eyes I closed until last night. Thus the graph properly shows zero eyes for the unrecorded dates.
Pending further federally-funded research, the Precautionary Principle requires us to remove all toxic Carbon-based eyes from all humans! Now! We must get underway before the Planet dissolves!
In measuring Number of Eyes Closed While Sleeping, I've discovered a new and lethal development! Last night (August 21) I closed TWO eyes while sleeping! This is a historical first! This has never happened before while records have been kept.
Look at the graph! (Excel here)
Numbers don't lie! Just follow the grim linear extrapolation to see the grim future! Only ten days from now I'll be closing at least 20 eyes when I sleep! Where am I going to get all those eyes? How many Chinese slaves will have to give their lives to supply my ever-growing ocular occultation needs? Who knows?
The theoretical reason for this lethal phenomenon obviously requires much more research, but one initial hypothesis could be that I didn't bother to keep records of how many eyes I closed until last night. Thus the graph properly shows zero eyes for the unrecorded dates.
Pending further federally-funded research, the Precautionary Principle requires us to remove all toxic Carbon-based eyes from all humans! Now! We must get underway before the Planet dissolves!
Labels: Blinded by Stats, Carbon Cult
¶ 7:41 AM
