Saturday, October 03, 2009
The Ig-nobels
My attention was caught by Comrade Shep Smith at Fox mentioning the Ig-nobel Awards in the "humorous kicker" at the end of an hour. Comrade Shep, being an imbecile as well as a loyal Communist, didn't even get the basic point. He pronounced it "Eye Gee Noble", and apparently thought the prize was given for fake science.
No, Comrade Useful Idiot Shep, the Ig-nobel is given each year for real science that sounds silly, just the sort of thing that you fucked-up "journalists" love to ridicule when discussing Federal research budgets. (Admittedly, some of the prizes are just plain jokes, but Comrade Useful Idiot Shep wouldn't understand them either.)
This year's top winner is a real and useful invention by Elena Bodnar of Ukraine. Bodnar invented a brassiere that converts to a gas mask for pollution emergencies. This is a uniquely Slavic idea in two different ways: first, the former Soviet states have serious pollution problems; second, the former Soviet states still have intact families, which means that (Caution!!! Possibly offensive idea coming up next!!!!) males and females usually live together in an arrangement known as "marriage". I know this sounds weird and icky to modern Americans, but that's how they do it. The invention would be much less useful in America, because we've already controlled pollution, and our same-sex-only living arrangements would mean that males wouldn't have easy access to the gas mask.
My favorite Ig-nobel is one of the jokey items:
Undoubtedly our Federal Reserve will benefit from Mr Gono's research in coming years, as it works day and night to reshape America toward the glorious Zimbabwe economic model. ¶ 6:06 AM
No, Comrade Useful Idiot Shep, the Ig-nobel is given each year for real science that sounds silly, just the sort of thing that you fucked-up "journalists" love to ridicule when discussing Federal research budgets. (Admittedly, some of the prizes are just plain jokes, but Comrade Useful Idiot Shep wouldn't understand them either.)
This year's top winner is a real and useful invention by Elena Bodnar of Ukraine. Bodnar invented a brassiere that converts to a gas mask for pollution emergencies. This is a uniquely Slavic idea in two different ways: first, the former Soviet states have serious pollution problems; second, the former Soviet states still have intact families, which means that (Caution!!! Possibly offensive idea coming up next!!!!) males and females usually live together in an arrangement known as "marriage". I know this sounds weird and icky to modern Americans, but that's how they do it. The invention would be much less useful in America, because we've already controlled pollution, and our same-sex-only living arrangements would mean that males wouldn't have easy access to the gas mask.
My favorite Ig-nobel is one of the jokey items:
MATHEMATICS PRIZE: Gideon Gono, governor of Zimbabwe’s Reserve Bank, for giving people a simple, everyday way to cope with a wide range of numbers — from very small to very big — by having his bank print bank notes with denominations ranging from one cent ($.01) to one hundred trillion dollars ($100,000,000,000,000).
Undoubtedly our Federal Reserve will benefit from Mr Gono's research in coming years, as it works day and night to reshape America toward the glorious Zimbabwe economic model. ¶ 6:06 AM
