Sunday, July 20, 2008
Idiot astronomers
From this news story:
Well, good. Wonderful. Ducky. But the job isn't complete!!! As long as we're going to rename things in savage pidgin style to honor multicultural and unpronounceable gods, let's do it up brown!!!
Saturn: now called "Flavor Flav"
Uranus: now called "MichaelJacksonMichaelJackson"
Neptune: now called "GreenpeaceWarriorGreenpeaceWarrior"
Jupiter: now called "KoyaanisqatsiKoyaanisqatsi"
Mars: now called "GandhiGandhi"
Earth: now called, of course, "ThePlanetThePlanet"
Venus: now called "AllisonLapperAllisonLapper" [not a famous figure, but look her up and you'll find she fits the criterion perfectly.]
Mercury: doesn't need renaming, because mercury is contained in Compact Fluorescent Bulbs, and thus already Multiculturally Holy.
Sun: now called ... oops, we are required to omit the sun from all calculations and assumptions, so it doesn't need a name at all. It doesn't exist. It is an UnSun. Everything that happens to ThePlanetThePlanet results from the manifold sins of Western Civilization. ¶ 8:14 AM
A dwarf planet orbiting beyond Neptune has been designated the third plutoid in the solar system and given the name Makemake, the International Astronomical Union said on Saturday. ... The red methane-covered dwarf planet formerly known as 2005 FY9 or "Easterbunny" is named after a Polynesian creator of humanity and god of fertility.
Well, good. Wonderful. Ducky. But the job isn't complete!!! As long as we're going to rename things in savage pidgin style to honor multicultural and unpronounceable gods, let's do it up brown!!!
Saturn: now called "Flavor Flav"
Uranus: now called "MichaelJacksonMichaelJackson"
Neptune: now called "GreenpeaceWarriorGreenpeaceWarrior"
Jupiter: now called "KoyaanisqatsiKoyaanisqatsi"
Mars: now called "GandhiGandhi"
Earth: now called, of course, "ThePlanetThePlanet"
Venus: now called "AllisonLapperAllisonLapper" [not a famous figure, but look her up and you'll find she fits the criterion perfectly.]
Mercury: doesn't need renaming, because mercury is contained in Compact Fluorescent Bulbs, and thus already Multiculturally Holy.
Sun: now called ... oops, we are required to omit the sun from all calculations and assumptions, so it doesn't need a name at all. It doesn't exist. It is an UnSun. Everything that happens to ThePlanetThePlanet results from the manifold sins of Western Civilization. ¶ 8:14 AM
