Friday, August 24, 2007
A cute joke
Saw this joke on a forum:
A public school teacher was arrested this morning at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said the man, who has not been identified, is believed to be a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement and has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
Some of the puns are lame, but overall it's a good parody, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it actually happened. Homeland Security is easily stupid enough to decide that a slide rule must be some kind of weapon.
And I wouldn't be surprised if G W Vichy decided to go against Mathematicians instead of Mohammedans. Our real enemy has strong lobbies in the form of the ACLU and federal judges, and Vichy is more inclined to obey judges than to fight the real enemy.
Going after mathematicians would have the added advantage of pleasing all the voters who really count in Karl Rove's calculus: Women, hispanics, and blacks. ¶ 6:13 AM
A public school teacher was arrested this morning at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said the man, who has not been identified, is believed to be a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement and has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.
Some of the puns are lame, but overall it's a good parody, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it actually happened. Homeland Security is easily stupid enough to decide that a slide rule must be some kind of weapon.
And I wouldn't be surprised if G W Vichy decided to go against Mathematicians instead of Mohammedans. Our real enemy has strong lobbies in the form of the ACLU and federal judges, and Vichy is more inclined to obey judges than to fight the real enemy.
Going after mathematicians would have the added advantage of pleasing all the voters who really count in Karl Rove's calculus: Women, hispanics, and blacks. ¶ 6:13 AM
