I wanted to write a Churchill parody, sort of like this:Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Religion of Peace and Tolerance and all the democratically-elected apparatus of Mohammedan rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall care passionately about the starving children on to the end, we shall sanction in France, we shall isolate on the seas and oceans, we shall talk with growing robustness and growing number of sticks and carrots in the air, we shall open the borders of our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall negotiate on the beaches, we shall engage on the landing grounds, we shall pursue bilateral conclaves in the fields and in the streets, we shall pursue multilateral Security Council resolutions in the hills; we shall never, never, never give up on diplomacy.
But I realized that the parody doesn't even begin to work. In the same way that Babelfish goes crazy with Chinese, you can't mechanically change Churchill to Kindler Gentler George. The underlying way of thinking is entirely alien, not just the words.
The crux of the problem:
In Churchill's original, Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule,
I can't simply change Gestapo and Nazi to KGG's absurd euphemisms for Mohammedanism, because GEORGE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THAT THE ENEMY IS ALLAH. In 1939 and 1940, the Nazis gained huge pieces of Europe because Britain by itself didn't have enough soldiers and resources to stop them. In 2003 and 2004, the Second Ford Administration has allowed the Sons of Allah to gain Iraq and hold several other countries AS PART OF HIS WAR EFFORT. HE THINKS THIS IS A GOOD THING.